Walk a Mile
"Do not criticize a man until you have walked a mile in his moccasins"
Native American Proverb
Most police officers are not known for their compassion. Social workers and those who would help the marginal in our society are often criticized by police officers as "bleeding hearts." A bleeding heart, of course, is someone that cops feel do not understand their difficult role, and in some ways they are right. I confess that I have become more of a bleeding heart as I age and ( hopefully ) mature.
This post of course is about police officers healing from their own traumas, worldviews, perceptions, and image. Therefore, as opposed to encouraging police critics to walk a mile in a cops shoes - and that mile is not a pretty strole in the park, I am challenging hurting cops to try to walk a mile in the shoes of those you have considered to be "them" in our "us and them" mindset.
Several years ago my understanding of life was turned upside down when I found myself counseling hurting, at risk teenagers, and adult men who were in trouble with the law and struggling with addictions. I needed to build trust with them in order to counsel, otherwise I was just another "cop" or authority figure who was more intent on judging them and stopping their behaviour as opposed to understanding them and encouraging change.
The stories that I heard from these people would make your heart break. Stories of abuse, abandonment, violence, hatred, and rejection. Many of them turned to drugs or alcohol to numb the pain. Many became involved in selling drugs so that they may gain status or power over their peers. All the while, searching for love and acceptance, from those that were closest to them. I saw them from a different perspective, and while I would not or could not condone law breaking, I could begin to understand. My eyes were opened to an area of many people's lives that would otherwise been blurred by my black and white judgment of their outward behaviour.
For police officers to heal from their own hurts and pains and culture, part of the process is to try to see people from a different perspective. To see them from a place of understanding of where they have come from; to walk a mile in their shoes.
That is not to say that a police officer should not do what they are paid to do, and that is to gather evidence for the prosecution of criminal activity, but it is to say that it can still be done with compassion.
De-humanizing of others can only lead to the further hardening of one's heart and this is the condition that police officers are in most need of healing. Taking the time to consider that the person on the other side of "us and them" is someone's son or daughter, brother or sister, husband or wife who may have been beaten and broken by lifes circumstances, is the beginning of empathy. Empathy is not a quality that is highly revered in policing, but it is one that is sadly missing. Empathy for others, including co-workers and other police officers who may be struggling, begins when we stop judging and attempt to walk a mile in their moccasins.
The inability to empathize with another is a warning signal that healing in our own hearts is needed.
Native American Proverb
Most police officers are not known for their compassion. Social workers and those who would help the marginal in our society are often criticized by police officers as "bleeding hearts." A bleeding heart, of course, is someone that cops feel do not understand their difficult role, and in some ways they are right. I confess that I have become more of a bleeding heart as I age and ( hopefully ) mature.
This post of course is about police officers healing from their own traumas, worldviews, perceptions, and image. Therefore, as opposed to encouraging police critics to walk a mile in a cops shoes - and that mile is not a pretty strole in the park, I am challenging hurting cops to try to walk a mile in the shoes of those you have considered to be "them" in our "us and them" mindset.
Several years ago my understanding of life was turned upside down when I found myself counseling hurting, at risk teenagers, and adult men who were in trouble with the law and struggling with addictions. I needed to build trust with them in order to counsel, otherwise I was just another "cop" or authority figure who was more intent on judging them and stopping their behaviour as opposed to understanding them and encouraging change.
The stories that I heard from these people would make your heart break. Stories of abuse, abandonment, violence, hatred, and rejection. Many of them turned to drugs or alcohol to numb the pain. Many became involved in selling drugs so that they may gain status or power over their peers. All the while, searching for love and acceptance, from those that were closest to them. I saw them from a different perspective, and while I would not or could not condone law breaking, I could begin to understand. My eyes were opened to an area of many people's lives that would otherwise been blurred by my black and white judgment of their outward behaviour.
For police officers to heal from their own hurts and pains and culture, part of the process is to try to see people from a different perspective. To see them from a place of understanding of where they have come from; to walk a mile in their shoes.
That is not to say that a police officer should not do what they are paid to do, and that is to gather evidence for the prosecution of criminal activity, but it is to say that it can still be done with compassion.
De-humanizing of others can only lead to the further hardening of one's heart and this is the condition that police officers are in most need of healing. Taking the time to consider that the person on the other side of "us and them" is someone's son or daughter, brother or sister, husband or wife who may have been beaten and broken by lifes circumstances, is the beginning of empathy. Empathy is not a quality that is highly revered in policing, but it is one that is sadly missing. Empathy for others, including co-workers and other police officers who may be struggling, begins when we stop judging and attempt to walk a mile in their moccasins.
The inability to empathize with another is a warning signal that healing in our own hearts is needed.
posted by Bob S at 3:44 p.m.
2 Comments:
You are so right Bob. To police with compassion and caring for those we deal with is truly following the road less travelled. I too have learned the desparate lives that people have lived before they come into contact with us and often wonder, "How come this person hasn't come in conflict with the law before now?"
Terrible stories that need to be heard.
Many times we as the police simply do not have the time to listen. But if you can, take the time......It's worth it!!
Rob Creasser
I suspect we all build walls to cope, to keep our hearts from breaking. A compassionate cop is a gift; remaining humane in the midst of enforcing law is a fine art. I was fortunate to work with many members who emulated strength of character and wisdom in upholding the law, yet were compassionate when effecting an arrest. As a young constable, I learned the most from these more senior members, and came to realize my own shortcomings....or places where I needed to grow.
Bob, thank you too for acknowledging that those being apprehended or arrested are someone's daughter or son, husband, wife, brother or sister. As the parent of a young man who struggles with addictions, mental health concerns, and behavior that is contrary to what is acceptable in society (criminal), my heart has broken many times when we've had to involve outside authorities. I've always been grateful for the times when an intervening professional (be it peace officer, health care worker, or addiction counsellor)has treated our family with respect and kindness. On the rare occasion when the opposite has occurred, it has been hurtful (and somewhat devastating), and only served to close the door to communication. Families can go through a maelstrom of emotions as they try to discern a course of action, and a dose of empathy, even one word of kindness, can provide immeasurable healing...and more likely enhances the relationship with police. Perhaps the question is how do we envision policing - are we looking to punish, or do we want to hold people accountable, and create a healthy community?
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