Another Wounded Cop - Step Eight

If you are a new reader of this blog you may discover that threaded through my musings on the care of cops and their culture is a "twelve step" program for corporate reformation. Borrowing from the twelve step programs used for addictions and other chronic dysfunction, I've suggested a corporate application.

I have borrowed from my experiences with the RCMP, also recognizing that the culture and institutions of all police services are very similar. I meet with and hear from frustrated police officers and the frustrations all have a similar thread: lack of accountability and transparency in senior management, abuses of power, 'good ol' boys' mentality, deceitful decisions, and blind ambitions.

I will now be looking at Step Eight of the Twelve Steps. I encourage the reader to scroll down this blog to read the previous steps for it to make better sense.

The Twelve Steps - Step Eight

Original Wording ( A.A.): Made a list of all the people we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Corporate Wording: We initiate an Employee Reconciliation Program designed to investigate the corporate responsibility as it relates to police officer burnout, alcoholism, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, excessive discipline, harassment, bullying, medical discharges and contemptuous correspondance. We are prepared to make amends to those who have been harmed by the institutional wrongdoing.

Commentary:

I just received word today that a man I once worked with had died in his sleep and had likely not been found for a week. For privacy purposes I will call him Jim. I first met Jim in the mid 1980's when he was heavily involved in undercover work. He was very rough around the edges, yet when you came to know Jim you sensed a caring spirit and wounded heart. Jim's refuge from a harsh and compromising world was alcohol. Everyone knew Jim had a problem but it seemed that it was never addressed.

Undercover work, while highly exciting ( and necessary in policing) , is an environment where alcohol flows freely, deceit is a way of life, family is secondary, and personal demons are suppressed and ignored. Jim was one of the best at the game, and its negative influences took its toll on him and his family.

I remember working with Jim in the late eighties where I was asked to keep an eye on his alcohol consumption while leading him in an undercover operation. I had told my supervisor that this was not my role and that if the RCMP acknowledged a problem then I felt it was up to the management to deal with the problem as opposed to burdening me, a subordinate, with the issue.

As with many successful undercover operators, Jim, sadly, was used and abused, in spite of the knowledge by superior officers that the environment of undercover was conducive to exacerbating his struggle with alcoholism.

This is a somewhat complex issue when it comes to understanding responsibility. But the questions need to be asked, is there not a corporate responsibility when it comes to the emotional and mental health of the employee, the police officer? Jim certainly had free will to refuse another undercover job, but I also feel strongly that many people turned a blind eye to his problem as long as he was getting the desired result in his undercover work.

The sad part of this story is that it is the story of many police officers. Alcoholism is rarely addressed and only spoken of in awkward and sometimes condemning conversations. Instead of being addressed with courage, compassion, and understanding, it was often swept aside with a "nudge nudge, wink wink" mentality which only caused further hurt and damage.

I don't know how I would have responded when I was in my undercover heyday ( or should I say "haze" day) if someone would have shown legitimate concern for my lifestyle choices. I would likely have got angry, but at least I would have known that someone cared enough to speak truth into my life.

Many police officers have been damaged and hurt deeply by the institution. Many have been used and discarded, abused and ridiculed, scapegoated and forgotten. These wounds penetrate deeply.

I hadn't spoken with Jim in years, but often thought of him as I heard about his attempts at recovery. He is one who deserved an apology from the institution he served to the best of his abilities. He caught alot of bad guys, but has become another statistic of an institution that tends to eat their own.

Perhaps he should be remembered with similar ceremony by the RCMP as those who died while on the job. Because in many ways, so did Jim.

The Journey

I work and meet with people at varying stages and circumstances of life who are either asking the question or have asked the question,
" what is it all about?" I have found this to be true, even in those who don't acknowledge that in their pursuit of success, power, material possessions, sex, and many other pursuits ( even the perfect golf game), they are still asking the "big" question, "What is my purpose?"

Our purpose or dreams, as we understand them within the framework of a lifetime or eternity, often have a way of changing midstream. Hearts soften, illusions are exposed, success is re-defined, wrongdoings catch up to us, priorities change. This is the journey of life. And in this journey, there is always going to be change. A humble and broken heart becomes teachable, pride is shattered and paradigms are radically altered.

Many of us have found ourselves cruising along the freeway of life, admired and seemingly trouble free, when crisis hits like a freight train and everything we believed in and stood for is found to be distorted somewhere among the wreckage that may be our life.

While we may not see it in the chaos of our brokenness, an examined life looks back in hindsight at many of our adversities and personal traumas and can come to some form of understanding as to why certain events needed to take place to get our attention.

The journey of life becomes a rhythm of seasons, seasons of new life, a maturing essence, a grateful harvest, and inevitably, a time of age and death.

The journey often begins when we examine the paradigms we held which preceded the chaos and confusion we may have found ourselves in. The journey begins when we submit to the reality that perhaps our paradigms were based on the ever shifting sands of subjective truth and of our own, perhaps blinded, understanding of right and wrong.

What a journey it can be if we choose to begin!

Mad-itude or Attitude?

It is in the ability to open our eyes and minds where limitless wonders are discovered.

One of the most tragic effects of years of policing is the bitterness and anger that envelope the souls of those who were at one time positive and idealistic about their ability to make a difference in this world. I spoke with a retired police officer the other day who's anger towards the institutions that he had served was clearly evident in his words. I think, though, that the anger was much more about the hurt that comes from feeling the betrayal of the "family" of police officers, and not knowing what to do with that hurt.

The need for vindication ( and I know personally of what I speak) can sometimes blind us to the opportunities for personal growth and change that can come from recognizing the illusion of corporate pride that is ingrained in the minds of the youngest recruits. Make no mistake, an idealistic view of the profession of policing is a dangerous one. Corruption exists, envy, pride, lust for power, blind ambition, apathy, and conspiracies of silence and oppression, exist within all ranks of policing. But, it still hurts and that pain is very real. Unfortunately many police officers do not know what to do with that pain and the festering tentacles of bitterness take root.

Opening ones mind and heart to the timeless wisdom that is available to those who are seeking answers is like inhaling the fresh and clean air of a dewy spring morning. From tragedy often comes triumph. The light comes on, we see with new lenses, and the betrayal that has hurt us so deeply in our profession becomes as meaningless as a spurned adolescent kiss. It hurts at the time, but becomes almost laughable when viewed through a lens of maturity and wisdom.

I encourage frustrated and bitter police officers and ex-police officers to resist anger and bitterness with all their heart and soul and mind. Seek new answers, ask tough questions about life, and open yourself up to opportunities of wisdom and truth, laughter and love, peace and courage.